Content With Loneliness
These past couple of days have been dragging on. My life seems so routine. I miss my friends. I’ve been sick in bed lately and don’t know what to do with myself. It’s quite sad actually.. All I did was sleep today. I’ve already lost 5 lbs. in just 2 or 3 days. My eyes have bags and i feel worthless. I haven’t talked to anyone outside of my family face to face since Friday..It’s pathetic. I’m beginning to miss seeing people. At the same time though, I’m glad I’m alone. It gives me time to look back…Scratch that..I hate being alone…I’m content with being lonely i suppose…i don’t know honestly.
I thought about what would hapen if I were dead..or just never born…Let me tell you, I don’t think i would effect anyone or anything. Sometimes I feel like just sinking into the earth and becoming a part of it. Other days I just feel like exploding into ashes and just drifting off into the sky. And of course I have those days were I wish I carried a gun. But thats just my messed up brain. I wonder if anyone is reading this…
If so, I’m not as crazy as I seem..I don’t think anyway. I am still extremely stressed over school and such. I’m tired of my tiny environment. I don’t want to see the same faces anymore. I just want to do something worthwhile. I want a natural high or something. Maybe this is just me rambling at midnight.. I don’t even know what I am saying…But I’m fine with that. I know deep down I’m kind of crazy..I just don’t want to admit it….HAHAHAHA. gosh… i think i need therapy or something.. ):
Nahh…I’m just tired….I should really stop rambling…
GOODNIGHT
~LEADSTAINS
